Obama Accepts Peace Prize in Oslo
By Bill Britton
OSLO, NORWAY (December 10, 2009) — Today President Obama, our most prominent immigrant from Hawaii, accepted the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize amid some controversy. The Peace Prize is awarded each year to the world figure who can best hide his real intentions from the Nobel committee. The inventor of dynamite and creator of the awards, Alfred Nobel, would be especially pleased by this year’s selection.
The committee consists of five members—Thorbjørn Jagland, Kaci Kullmann Five, Sissel Marie Rønbeck, Inger-Marie Ytterhorn, and Ågot Valle—all of whom are, coincidentally, charter members of Oslo’s Dum Navnet Klubben (Silly Name Club). A delicious lunch was served by IKEA personnel under the watchful eye of founder Ingvar Kamprad, current president of Dum Navnet Klubben. Mr. Obama was asked by Kamprad to be an honorary member of the club.
After the ceremony, attendees were treated to a live demonstration by American mercenaries from Blackwater USA. Especially impressive was the shattering of a huge iceberg by a GBU-28 bunker buster. This was followed by a series of napalm strikes that crisscrossed a nearby fjord in the flag colors of the United States and Norway—red, white, and blue—to the accompaniment of Edvard Grieg’s “In the Hall of the Mountain King.”
During his acceptance speech, Mr. Obama said that the war in Iraq was “just a war,” but then corrected himself by saying it was “a just war.” He closed his speech with this call to action: “Let us reach for our guns when need be and ignite the passions of the crusader that still stirs within each of our souls.” Marwan Bishara, Al Jazeera's senior political analyst, responded by saying, “Holy Allah! Next thing they’ll be Knights Templar knocking on my mosque’s door.”