The Real Reason Dobbs Dumped CNN

The Real Reason Dobbs Dumped CNN

By Bill Britton

Atlanta — Lou Dobbs, mired in controversy because of his opinion-laden commentary, abruptly resigned from CNN. A spokesperson for the Hispanic community in Miami, Grito N. Altavoz, said, “Good riddance to that gringo maricón. He want to send my 29 cousins back to Cuba.”

Rumor has it that Dobbs will take up the reins at AARP (American Association of Recalcitrant Pundits), a subsidiary of Fox News. Dobbs has vowed to “reinvigorate what has historically been Fox’s mission: to throw objectivity to the winds and instill a sense of self-righteousness in dumb America, my America.” Dobbs plans to maintain those invectives he levels against illegal immigrants and has put forward a plan to deal with, as he calls it, the “chili menace.”

First, he would like to see the establishment of an internment camp in Brightmoor, the poorest neighborhood in Detroit. “Brightmoor is a natural,” said Dobbs. “Plenty of abandoned homes. From there, they can board ships, sail across Lake Erie to Buffalo, and, via the canal system, down to New York Harbor, where they can be sent to where they’re more welcome. Chile, for example, a ‘Chilis-to-Chile Program,’ so to speak.”

To replace the crop pickers and house cleaners lost to deportation, Dobbs envisions the creation of an agency similar to Roosevelt’s CCC (Civilian Conservation Corps) set up during the Great Depression. “What young man wouldn’t like to trade in his Nintendo for a pick and shovel and all that fresh air? What young woman wouldn’t want to work in the home of a Wall Street broker or bank executive, all dying to pay cash for a little on the side?—Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale with benefits. We could rechristen the CCC as the Civilian Conservative’s Corps, complete with brown shirts and hobnail boots.”