Florida Resident Bans Trump from His Property

Used-Car Salesman

By Bill Britton

February 6, 2016 — Inspired by citizens in the UK in their attempt to ban Donald Trump from their country, Vero Beach widower Arnie Tinskin decided to ban Trump from his property. “I ain’t takin’ no chances,” said Tinskin, “He reminds me a’ that used-car salesman what sold me that Nash Rambler back in ‘55—same hair.”

When asked what he would do if Trump knocked on his front door, Tinskin said he’d sic his Jack Russell terrier on him. “I got Ripper pretty well trained. I printed out a bunch of Trump’s picture and smeared them all with rabbit scat. One look and that dog rips ‘em to shreds, just like he done to the UPS guy’s pant-leg awhile back.”

In a televised interview, MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow wondered if his neighbors were receptive to Tinskin’s ban. “I’ve had threats from folks here in Verde de las Palmeras, and Gert  next door no longer brings me a casserole on Friday nights. But that’s OK. I’ve had better mac-n-cheese outa the box.”

A number of reporters wondered who Tinskin would vote for in November. “I’ll vote for the one what promises free Viagra for seniors,” he replied. “Since Gert cut me off, I’ve had my eye on that divorcee ‘round the corner. She looks like a liberal in more ways than one.”

Tinskin hopes to make some money by selling “Ban-the-Donald” t-shirts and baseball caps, which will be available at his website, www.banthedonald.net. And Tinskin is already at work on his next crusade, which is tentatively named, “Ban-the-Snowbirds.”