Park Avenue at 43rd Street in NYC
By Bill
Britton
Special to
TPN — Constance Masticar, of the International Chewing Gum association,
released data that offered hope for the world’s deteriorating infrastructure: “Chewing
gum has been building up on the world’s paved surfaces since it was first used
9,000 years ago. Total consumption reached 100,000 tons in 2013, according to
Wrigley research.”
The impact
on paved surfaces is dramatic. In New York City, for example, the one-inch
black splotches seen on the city’s sidewalks are “merging together and
protecting the concrete from the ravages of weather and ice-melting compounds,
in particular,” said former mayor Michael Bloomberg, now heading up the
Department of Sanitation.
The
preferred flavor of most masticators, spearmint, is also favored by the city’s
residents. “It adds a minty aroma to the city’s streets,” according to Park
Avenue shopper Spittle Patel, a recent immigrant from Pakistan. “In Lahore, it’s
all odors of arm pits and fish curry. You can’t even watch a Lollywood film
without being assaulted by the smells. At least you can shoot the terrorists.”
The $19
billion gum industry is attracting investors the world over. Abel Chompowitz of
Zinger Partners sees a definite synergy between chewing gum and high tech: “Chewing
and smartphone thumbing are habits in common. Apple has already begun
production of iPhones with plastic cases that give off gum scents. The first
model names are the iPhone Spearmint and the iPhone Juicy Fruit.”
In related
news, the American Chiropractic Association has warned raised concerns about
excessive chewing and thumbing, both of which can lead to repetitive injuries. “We’ve
had reports of patients with both problems. Therapy includes a liquid diet for
the compulsive chewers, and voice communication lessons for the thumbers,” said
ACA spokesperson Ossie Articulacion.
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