Sunday, May 6, 2012

Romney To Buy Wife Ann a Clothes Washer for Mother’s Day

Ann Romney's Mother's Day Gift
By Bill Britton

Likely Teapublican presidential candidate Mitt Romney revealed that he will be purchasing a new clothes washer for wife Ann this week. “I think it’s the ideal gift for a stay-at-home mom like Ann,” said Romney during a break from the campaign trail. “Up until now, she’s been using a washboard and tub like most LDS [Mormon] wives. But with me running for president, she didn’t have enough time to do a proper job washing my skivvies, and with Mother’s Day coming up, I thought I’d surprise her.”

Former candidate Rick Santorum reacted immediately from his estate in Pennsylvania: “Next thing you know, he’ll be getting Ann an electric stove. If I were president, I’d reinstall a wood stove in the White House kitchen. What was good enough for Martha Washington is good enough for my wife Karen. I’d call her in, but she’s out back chopping wood for the smokehouse. She shot a deer last week and ground it all up for sausage.”

When Romney was asked if he was just trying to shore up his conservative credentials, his response was quick: “You mainstream media guys are all the same. First you start a rumor connecting me with the healthcare plan in Massachusetts, then you accuse me of being pro-choice, when you know I said that just to get a few votes. That has nothing to do with my core beliefs—if you get ill, you’re on your own, and if you have an unwanted pregnancy, send the child to Santorum’s or Bachmann’s house. I’ve got my hands full trying to keep the damn dog off the roof of the car.”

In related news, former candidate Newt Gingrich was arrested while attempting to steal some okra from Michelle Obama’s kitchen garden. Said Gingrich, “I thought they’d go with my cheesy grits. I didn’t know how good cheesy grits were until Mitt mentioned them.”


  1. Man! Good thing Romeny's going to pick up this gift for his lovely wife. Gives him more time to focus on buying companies, loading them with debt, then selling them, resulting in much of the work force being laid off. But he, he's really a jobs creator, right?

  2. Pete, Is Infauxtainment still alive?

    Registered Number – 1026167

    Registered office
    1 Churchill Place, London E14 5HP.

    Barclays is a trading name of Barclays Bank PLC and its subsidiaries. Barclays Bank PLC is registered in England and authorized and regulated by the Financial Services Authority (FSA No. 122702). We’re one of the largest financial services providers in the world, Also we engage in retail banking, credit cards, corporate and investment banking, wealth and investment management.
    We are here to introduce a loan program that will help improve you financially and our only focus is on providing you with great service and helping you meet your financial needs.
    We offer a low rate at 2% interest. We do however receive commission from payday lenders and brokers when customers enter into a consumer credit agreement with them, having been introduced via our service.

    *Home Owner Loans
    *Graduate Loan
    *Debt Consolidation
    *Professional and Career Loan

    Applicants interested in this loan offer are to SEND the details information to the account overleaf.

    (1) Full Name:
    (2) Loan Amount Needed:
    (3) Duration of Repayment:
    (4) Country:
    (5) Marital Status:
    (6) Gender:
    (7) Age:
    (8) Occupation:
    (9) Mobile:

    Enjoy Online Services with Barclays