“God
Particle” Found To Be Mormon Messenger
Moroni at the center of the Higgs particle cluster
By
Bill Britton
Special
to TP News — Physicists at the CERN
Laboratory in Switzerland announced that the Higgs
boson, the so-called “God particle,” resembles the Mormon angel Moroni. Moroni is the
keeper of the golden plates on which is inscribed the Book of Mormon. The angel
gave the plates to Joseph Smith, who founded to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints (LDS Church), more commonly known as Mormonism.
Smith
buried the plates near his plot of psilocybin
mushrooms, known for their psychedelic properties. After translating the
inscriptions, Smith returned the Moronic plates to the angel. The plates have
not been seen since, although the mushroom garden is still being cared for by a
Moronic disciple, called Rocket
Man, whose website is shroomzoom.com.
CERN
spokesman Sergio
Bertolucci said, “Initially we only saw the cluster of particles emanating
from the center of the particle burst. However, on closer examination, the
Moronic image was seen at the very center, angel horn and all. It was quite a
thrill. A group of us are going to the LDS temple at Bern and convert
to Mormonism.”
Presidential
candidate Mitt Romney was extremely upbeat over the discovery: “My life story
reflects my Moronic upbringing. With the discovery at CERN, I know that my
Moronic principles will stand me in good stead as I debate President
Obama, who, as we know, is not quite an American. Just ask Rush Limbaugh, my authority in these
matters.”
