Rep. King Begins Crusade Against Muslims

Rep. Peter King's favorite footware

Rep. King Begins Crusade Against Muslims

By Bill Britton

Special to INS — Representative Peter King (R-NY) has begun hearings on the radicalization of the Muslim community in the U.S. His congressional committee has decided to extend its mandate to cover certain business groups in the U.S., including the 7-11 League of Unabashed Taliban (“7-11-LOUT”), the Muslim Alliance of Gas-Guzzling Osama Disciples (“MAGGOD”), and the Muslim Extremist Cooperative Council of America (“MECCA”).

Rep. King began his probe at the urging of Igor deSerpent, president of SWAMP (So Worried about Muslim Practices), a Tea-Party-staffed political action committee funded by the billionaire Koch brothers, whose coal-mining operation in West Virginia provided background for the recent documentary film, “Why the Appalachians Should Be Flattened.”

During an MSNBC interview, Chris Matthews asked King why Muslims were being targeted. He replied that “Muslims want to establish a caliphate in the U.S., which can be seen by the fact that President Obama has built a mosque in the basement of the White House. Plus, the carpet in the Oval Office bearing the Presidential Seal has been replaced by a prayer rug made by child labor, specifically, his daughters Malia and Sasha. And, his wife Michelle wears a burqa.”

When Matthews suggested that the burqa was in fact a scarf similar to those worn by many American women, King became enraged and began speaking in tongues, which caused the hundreds of Christian fundamentalists picketing MSNBC to collapse on the sidewalk in rapturous writhing. MSNBC President Phil Griffin reacted by saying, “One of them wasn’t Rush Limbaugh, was it? He’s been known to fall into a cataleptic fit whenever he hears names like Obama, Gore, or Pelosi.”

Rep. King plans to follow up the present inquiry with one that will focus on the question of why liberal elites wear Crocs sandals rather than Walmart flip-flops.