Moose Fever Grips the Nation

Moose Fever Grips the Nation

By Bill Britton

In the wake of Sarah Palin’s continuing surge in popularity following the 2008 election, the nation has been caught up in “moose mania.” Images of Palin hovering over a moose kill in Alaska have electrified the NRA’s membership. Bumper stickers saying “I Killed a Moose for God” are proliferating across the land. Lines hundreds long are forming outside of hunting license outlets in the Northeast and Alaska for permits to kill a moose.

Palin has stoked the mania by offering up her recipes for moose stew and moose-steak tartare. “No chocolate-chip recipes from this babe,” Palin shouted before thousands of adoring fans at a Tea Party rally in Ohio. “My long-term goal is to open up my home state to unrestricted oil drilling and hunting. You’re all invited! Party time on the tundra! BP rules!”

Despite the P.A. system breaking down, Palin was heard loud and clear. “What a voice,” one onlooker exclaimed. Palin was then carried away above the crowd to her waiting limousine in what had turned into a 1980s-style mosh pit.

The scene has been repeated at rallies across America, although several have been disrupted by grandmothers wearing Bullwinkle masks, shouting, “Palin’s a stinky! Save our Bull-winkie! / It’s back to Wasilla for Palin the killer!”

Lost in all the confusion was groupie John McCain, whose murmured words were barely heard by a few stragglers still standing in front of the stadium after the rally: “Drill, Drill, Drill! Kill, Kill, Kill!” He was later seen wandering aimlessly in the parking lot, muttering, “Where the hell are my Secret-Service agents? What state is this?”