Moose Fever Grips the Nation
By Bill Britton
In the wake of Sarah Palin’s continuing surge in popularity following the 2008 election, the nation has been caught up in “moose mania.” Images of Palin hovering over a moose kill in Alaska have electrified the NRA’s membership. Bumper stickers saying “I Killed a Moose for God” are proliferating across the land. Lines hundreds long are forming outside of hunting license outlets in the Northeast and Alaska for permits to kill a moose.
Palin has stoked the mania by offering up her recipes for moose stew and moose-steak tartare. “No chocolate-chip recipes from this babe,” Palin shouted before thousands of adoring fans at a Tea Party rally in Ohio. “My long-term goal is to open up my home state to unrestricted oil drilling and hunting. You’re all invited! Party time on the tundra! BP rules!”
Despite the P.A. system breaking down, Palin was heard loud and clear. “What a voice,” one onlooker exclaimed. Palin was then carried away above the crowd to her waiting limousine in what had turned into a 1980s-style mosh pit.
The scene has been repeated at rallies across America, although several have been disrupted by grandmothers wearing Bullwinkle masks, shouting, “Palin’s a stinky! Save our Bull-winkie! / It’s back to Wasilla for Palin the killer!”
Lost in all the confusion was groupie John McCain, whose murmured words were barely heard by a few stragglers still standing in front of the stadium after the rally: “Drill, Drill, Drill! Kill, Kill, Kill!” He was later seen wandering aimlessly in the parking lot, muttering, “Where the hell are my Secret-Service agents? What state is this?”
Showing posts with label Palin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Palin. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Palin Given Top Spot at ASHOL
Palin Given Top Spot at ASHOL
By Bill Britton
Sarah Palin’s publicist, Rick Maver, announced today that Alaska’s former governor has been signed on as head of ASHOL (American Society of Hateful and Odious Loonies). Society headquarters are located in Clayton, Michigan, where a number of similar organizations are based, including Hutaree, whose members believe that the Antichrist is attempting to establish a "New World Order" and that all law enforcement officials are part of the conspiracy and must be killed.
Maver said that Palin “would be a great asset to ASHOL” and that she would “take on the commie Democrats and kick butt.” Earlier attempts to sign on Representative Michele Bachmann (R-MN) as chairperson failed because of her heavy schedule as Fox News’ unofficial Washington correspondent. Said Bachmann, “I have every confidence that Sarah will take charge of all the ASHOLs around the country and help flush liberal America down the toilet.”
Palin said that she will continue to work closely with the Tea Party movement: “There are a large number of Tea Party ASHOLs who would kinda’ like to see the two organizations merge. Together we can work to put the squeeze on the Democrats during the midterm elections and send them on down the tract, er, track.”
The ASHOL movement has a long history in the United States. Prominent ASHOLs include Republican National Committee chair Richard Steele, former history professor Newt Gingrich, and House Republican Leader John Boehner, who has fought long and hard to penetrate and destroy the liberal bloc. ASHOL t-shirts are available from SarahPAC for $17.76 plus S&H.
By Bill Britton
Sarah Palin’s publicist, Rick Maver, announced today that Alaska’s former governor has been signed on as head of ASHOL (American Society of Hateful and Odious Loonies). Society headquarters are located in Clayton, Michigan, where a number of similar organizations are based, including Hutaree, whose members believe that the Antichrist is attempting to establish a "New World Order" and that all law enforcement officials are part of the conspiracy and must be killed.
Maver said that Palin “would be a great asset to ASHOL” and that she would “take on the commie Democrats and kick butt.” Earlier attempts to sign on Representative Michele Bachmann (R-MN) as chairperson failed because of her heavy schedule as Fox News’ unofficial Washington correspondent. Said Bachmann, “I have every confidence that Sarah will take charge of all the ASHOLs around the country and help flush liberal America down the toilet.”
Palin said that she will continue to work closely with the Tea Party movement: “There are a large number of Tea Party ASHOLs who would kinda’ like to see the two organizations merge. Together we can work to put the squeeze on the Democrats during the midterm elections and send them on down the tract, er, track.”
The ASHOL movement has a long history in the United States. Prominent ASHOLs include Republican National Committee chair Richard Steele, former history professor Newt Gingrich, and House Republican Leader John Boehner, who has fought long and hard to penetrate and destroy the liberal bloc. ASHOL t-shirts are available from SarahPAC for $17.76 plus S&H.
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